Cats game
by iguanablogger
Summary: Shizuo and Izaya have finally met it- their draw. Their stalemate. Their cats game. But...they didn't expect to meet it as actual cats. (Complete!)
1. Chapter 1

It was just another average day in Ikebukuro. The streets teemed with traffic; students flowed to and from the academies-

And a vending machine sailed through the air.

Its intended target, a young man wearing a fur-lined jacket and a smug grin, calmly stepped out of the way. The machine splintered on impact with the road, sodas and water bottles bleeding everywhere. The elusive target's fingers curled around the switchblade in his pocket, eyes keenly trained on the creature that tossed the machine in the first place.

Less than fifteen feet down the street, a tall man in a Weskit and suit pants returned to his full height, his breathing strained. Several cuts lined his face and his shirtsleeves.

"What are you doing here, flea?" The bartender demanded.

His rival shrugged and feigned an innocent pout.

"I was just in the neighborhood to visit some old friends." He replied in a childish tone of voice, "Is that so terrible?"

The bartender's glare narrowed and his hands itched for something to throw. Soon they wrapped themselves around a nearby pedestrian-crossing sign, yanking it from the cement.

"Nothing good ever comes of you being here!" He declared, hurling the road sign like a javelin.

The other man rolled out of the way, dodging the missile. As he braked to a halt, his attention came to rest on a half-empty bottle of milk only a pace away.

"You seem tense, Shizu-chan-" The sly delinquent remarked, snatching the bottle up.

Shizuo blanched as he recognized the container in his opponent's grasp.

"You stay away from that!" He warned, reaching for a corner mailbox.

The flea smiled and pulled his arm back for a pitch:

"How about a drink!"

The milk bottle arced through the air with a strange sort of grace. Shizuo followed it anxiously, every muscle tensed in preparation for its landing. He ran forward, kicked off the ground, and managed to grab the bottle moments before it would have shattered on the pavement. The bartender thudded onto his feet, regained his balance and blew a sigh of relief.

But to his fury, the flea was trying to escape while his back was turned!

At the sight of his sworn enemy's coat flapping in the wind, Shizuo was possessed by a horrible rage. His legs pumped themselves, propelling him forward as a hoarse growl leapt from his throat:

"Where do you think you're going!"

And without thinking, he threw the one thing in his hands- the milk bottle. His aim was honest and true; the container struck the man's skull with enough force to send him sprawling onto the concrete. The bottle imploded and white liquid burst from it like shrapnel, soaking its mark's clothes and skin.

Shizuo grinned wildly, panting like a dog despite never actually having experienced fatigue. He took his steps slowly. Triumph rode high in his blood, victory shooting off in his brain like a string of firecrackers. Finally, finally the damn pest couldn't run anymore. A thin stream of blood dampened the flea's dark hair, and his brows were knit with disorientation.

"Izaya-" The bartender rumbled, ecstatic at having finally captured his lifelong nemesis.

Horns blaring- a split second of blinding headlights-

And suddenly Shizuo was flying.

He hit the ground hard. Sparks tingled through his body and gathered before his eyes. Dull pain twisted his limbs and joints. Despite his ridiculous pain threshold, Shizuo could not help the darkness hemming his vision and the static drowning his senses.

He'd nail that flea in a second…he just needed a quick nap first.


	2. Chapter 2

**35 minutes earlier**

A motorcycle, black as night and silent as a shadow. To many, its appearance was a sign of doom and despair; to others, the black motorbike was an unfathomable mystery.

To Shizuo, it was a friend.

He was happy to wave it over when the infamous Black Rider pulled to a stop on the side of the road. The bartender was on one of his numerous smoke-breaks of the day (it was easier to call them 'smoke-breaks' than it was to call them 'if-I-don't-leave-the-room-right-now-I'm-going-to- beat-the-shit-out-of-something-breaks'). He'd known the legend personally for eight years now, and he could almost perceive its expressions. Not nearly as well as his acquaintance Shinra could, but it was still something.

"Hey," Shizuo greeted the rider with a nod, "What's up?"

The apparition pulled a PDA from the inside of its suit and typed in a quick sentence. Then it held the device up for the bartender to see.

[Not much, just a quick job. You?]

He shrugged.

"I'm on break."

The rider tilted its head (Shizuo recognized this as either curiosity or internal debate). It tapped a finger against its PDA a few times, but didn't write anything. The bartender raised his eyebrows until eventually it started to text.

[Actually, would you like a bottle of milk?]

Shizuo thought for a moment and then replied, "Sure." He wasn't going to say no to a free milk, but it was sort of unusual for it to have one.

The Black Rider continued to text and display.

[Shinra gave me a bottle before I left this morning. I'm not sure why; I guess he forgot that I can't drink. I thought you might like it, though.]

Shizuo watched as a large black bubble rose from the motorbike and floated towards him. The rider flicked its wrist and the blob began to dissipate. The bartender held out his hand until the wrapping vanished completely, revealing a glass bottle filled with white liquid and sealed with a pink ribbon. It dropped harmlessly into Shizuo's grip.

"Huh," Shizuo said. "Thanks."

[No problem. I've got to get going now- have a nice day!]

Shizuo waved his hand and the rider regained its position on the bike, which brayed loudly as it picked up speed. The bartender smiled to himself as the inky shadow grew fainter and fainter. There was not a long list of people who wished him a nice day, 'people' or otherwise.

However…something about that bottle irked him. He thought about it as he headed back to work, walking the streets of 'Bukuro. While his observational skills were nothing to speak of, Shizuo understood character very well. And he knew that it was very unlike Shinra to forget anything about his roommate, much less something as obvious as its inability to ingest liquids. This whole thing…didn't seem right.

Still, he didn't see the harm in a bottle of milk.

The bartender uncapped his drink and took a sip, shaded eyes searching the crowd for his dreadlocked boss. Tom was exceedingly lenient with Shizuo's "smoke-breaks", but that didn't mean he was lazy in the slightest.

Unfortunately, Shizuo's search did not progress far. Instead of a pair of glasses and a striped suit jacket, the bartender found a messy shrub of dark hair, a grin, and a fur-lined coat. Shizuo nearly vomited his milk at the sight.

"Izaya!" He growled lowly, fists clenching at once. Izaya returned his stare eagerly, even nudging his way towards the furious bartender. Shizuo used his last ounce of self-restraint to put his bottle on the ground. After all, it was a gift from Celty, and he didn't want to accidently crush it.

There was something else he really needed to crush right now.


	3. Chapter 3

Shizuo blinked. Once, twice, three times. Didn't make a difference, he couldn't see a thing. An almost undetectable force pressed against his skin- it was papery to the touch.

A twinge of panic bubbled in his mind. Was it a covering, like one would put over a corpse? Had someone considered him dead?

Claustrophobia nibbling on his senses, Shizuo suddenly struggled to escape his dark prison. How had he even ended up here? Where was here? Finally, he managed to rip a tear in the fabric of the cover and daylight sliced through. The bartender scurried through the opening, gasping for breath.

His nose was practically scratching the pavement. Questions were sprouting in his head faster than flies on day-old pizza: what happened? Why couldn't he get up? Shizuo took a quick glance at his surroundings and recognized the street he'd been walking down earlier.

'That's right', he breathed, closing his eyes, 'I'd just finished talking to Celty and I was going to find Tom…'

After another moment to gather his thoughts, Shizuo opened his eyes and stared ahead.

What he found did not settle his mental state at all.

At first it looked like a small tent of some kind. But the closer he got to it, the more achingly familiar it became…until Shizuo finally placed the crumpled black parka with the grey fur trim as his sworn enemy's-

Somebody groaned. Shizuo checked his peripheral vision, but the noise was too close by to have come from anywhere but directly in front of him. However bizarre it seemed, the only answer was that somebody was lying in the enormous replica of Izaya's coat, probably in pain.

Then, a paw emerged from beneath the furry hood. Shizuo watched carefully as a black cat dragged itself into view, rolling exhaustedly onto the road. No doubt the pained, groggy moans belonged to that cat. The fur on its ears and head was matted and even somewhat damp. Fragments of broken glass clung to its body, glittering like tiny stars. Shizuo observed the animal (which he was disturbingly level with) as it shook itself and seemed to regain its wits. That was when it looked over and met his stare.

And that was the moment he decided to kill it.

It wasn't exactly a conscious decision. One second, he was lying on the road, trying to unravel the mystery of Izaya's abandoned parka, and the next he'd extended his claws and prepared to pounce.

A startled voice cried out in his flattened ears, but Shizuo paid it no heed. It wasn't important; what was important was tackling the opponent and ripping his throat out. Without missing a beat, the black cat leapt back, just out of the range of Shizuo's swing. The sleek feline then turned and tried to escape down a nearby side street, but its coordination was still uneasy. Mirth bubbled in his bloodstream at the thought of a chase. For some reason, Shizuo's arms and legs felt vividly energized; his muscles flexed and contracted fluidly, as though no effort was being exerted at all. Shizuo felt he could run for days, or jump high enough to fly over a building.

His eyes were much sharper, too, keeping a close vigil on that damned cat's tail. Shizuo hissed and took another swipe with his claws, but the feline evaded, vaulting onto a cardboard box the size of a vending machine. Shizuo hurried up after him, not risking averting his sight. Adrenaline buzzed in his head, deleting every fact in Shizuo's mind except one: the black cat with the mocking red eyes needed to die.

Finally, an opening! The cat had climbed back down to the ground, swishing his tail as though daring Shizuo to follow. With a maniacal grin, Shizuo obliged. He was only millimeters from decapitating that putrid blight-of-the-earth when something substantially bigger than he was dropped onto his head.

Shizuo's vision went dark. Dark with white specks of glitter that gradually matured into shapes. For a little while, the overwhelming blackness and disorientation made him think he might be drowning. But soon, the curtain receded and the alley rolled back into view. Shizuo was dimly aware of his eyes spinning around in their sockets until he expressly ordered them to sit still.

"Well, thank goodness that's over with."

He recognized that voice. It was the same voice that he'd blotted out before, the one that'd been crying out to him. Now it sounded much more cynical and sarcastic.

Shizuo tested his fingers…to find that he had none.

This alarming discovery brought consciousness back at full speed, even going so far as to throw Shizuo upright. For the first time, he took a good look at the arms and legs that had been functioning so flawlessly.

"Wha-what?" He rasped, air suddenly rushing in and out of his lungs faster than a subway train. What he had fastened on the ends of his wrists were not hands- they were paws.

"Finally figuring it out, are we?" The black cat remarked dully, twitching its tail.

Shizuo glared in disbelief as the cat spoke. But then, he realized… was he a…?

"It doesn't seem like you're going to get this one on your own," The other feline sighed, "So I'll spell it out for you."

"Shizuo Heiwajima. Hello. You are a cat."

"Shut the hell up." Shizuo retorted immediately, but his response lacked the intended bite because he couldn't seem to fully control his breathing. Was this level of hyperventilation normal when switching species?

"You know, there's a reason I didn't leave you here to die after clobbering you with that paint can."

Paint can?

Shizuo turned his head to the side a little and noticed a splatter of white paint reaching up to three feet away. What could have been a paint can was crumpled like a ball of tinfoil near the alley wall.

"What reason is that?" Shizuo asked suspiciously.

Could cats smile? Or was that just Izaya's permanent expression? To be honest, the man had sort of resembled a feline in his human days, with his narrow eyes and wide grin.

"Whatever process we went through to get to this state has to be reversible. I want to know how. And to do that-"

Izaya flicked his tail again and took a step closer, scrutinizing Shizuo's features.

"-I need a test subject."

"Piss off," Shizuo snapped back, pushing the smaller feline out his way and making to leave, "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Oh? So then what's your great plan?" Izaya asked cheerfully, lightly padding nearer. Shizuo upped his pace as he exited the alley and emerged onto the main street. A car whirled past him with all the ruckus of a tornado, causing the fur on his cheeks to stand on end. But even as Shizuo continued on the sidewalk, a certain black cat trotted behind him.

"You know how to fix this, huh?"

"No, I don't," Shizuo answered, irritated, "and if you don't stop following me, I'm going to smash your skull in."

"You already tried that," Izaya reminded him, "I seem to recall someone else's head suffering trauma."

Shizuo growled but kept his temper in check. Whatever skill this was, Izaya had more experience with it. The man seemed just as comfortable as a cat as he did a person. Fighting in this body, without even opposable thumbs, did not strike Shizuo as appealing at all.

"You really are adorable when you're unconscious, by the way."

"Shut up, you annoying bastard."

The insult was the least he could manage. If Shizuo's only option was to grit his teeth and keep his fists clenched (so to speak), he was damned if he wasn't going to throw every barbed word he could. However, his curses rolled right off the feline's sleek fur and only served to entertain him further.

"Where are you going?" Izaya asked eventually. Shizuo had been stomping down the street for at least five minutes now, with no real destination in mind. He just had to get his thoughts in order and block out that damn flea.

"Why do you care?"

The informant-gone-cat sighed dramatically.

"Why do you have to be so confrontational, Shizu-chan? I'm trying to help you. You don't want to be a cat forever, do you?"

"If you really want to help me, which I find hard to believe, then leave me alone!"

"You need me, you dumbass! How far do you really expect to make it withou-?"

"Izaya!"

Shizuo's outburst was punctuated by a sudden twist and slash of his claws. For the first time that day, the sharp hooks found their mark, tearing the flesh beneath Izaya's coat. The smaller feline let out a strangely human grunt of pain and instinctively dodged backwards. A thin spray of blood dampened the pavement.

There was a silence between them, broken only by Izaya's efforts to even his breathing. Narrow red eyes met cold brown ones in a sort of standoff.

"I. Don't need. Your help." Shizuo growled slowly and clearly.

Izaya watched him for a few moments longer, gauging how truly he meant that.

"Fine," He agreed, stepping away. "I guess you don't."

Shizuo glared at his nemesis until the cat turned and departed in the opposite direction. Shizou did not move until he'd seen Izaya's tail fade to nothing more than a black flag flapping in the distance.

It was only then that he allowed himself to lower his guard. He exhaled heavily, his shoulders sagging. This wasn't some sort of lucid nightmare; he'd really mutated into a cat. Shizuo lifted his gaze upwards, taking in the gaudy Ikebukuro skyline. His mouth itched horribly for a cigarette, his throat craving a smooth drag. If he could only shove something between his teeth, well…it wouldn't be a substitute, but it might get him thinking again.

A quick scan of the sidewalk revealed nothing clean enough to touch, and Shizuo abandoned the idea not long after. He decided to resume the other action that'd been known to bring him peace of mind- rambling through the city.

Should he try to make contact with someone? The most obvious place to start would be Shinra Kishitani, Shizuo's old classmate and longtime acquaintance. If anyone would know anything about this sort of situation, it'd be him. Actually, Shizuo redacted, wouldn't Celty know more? After all, there didn't seem to be a lot of biological explanations for something like this, so a doctor might not be of much help. Perhaps a mystical creature would have some advice for him…

Shizuo raised his nose in the air and took a sniff. An onslaught of scents crammed his sinuses, but two in particular stood out, and Shizuo latched onto them immediately: the smell of freshly cut fish, and the acrid burn of cigarette smoke. According to his nose, both of these items could be found in the same location.

Smiling to himself, Shizuo set off to find this magical haven of things he liked. Take that, Izaya, he thought.

**20 minutes later… **

"Ten minutes, Yumasaki, and no more!"

"I don't really even need five, actually."

"We'll be done in a second, you'll see! Don't be so grumpy, Dotachin!"

"That isn't my name!"

After exchanging bits of aggravated conversation, the group of young adults split their ways. The one heinously referred to as 'Dotachin' sped off in a dull green van, leaving his two companions on the street. Yumasaki, an average looking man of foreign descent, twisted his hand around his backpack strap as he began to walk. His friend Erika, a pale girl dressed in all black, chatted with him as they went along, searching the area for the right shop. Eventually, Yumasaki pulled to a halt in front of a brightly lit store with lewd posters of young women plastered on its windows.

He offered Erika the opportunity to join him inside, but Erika shook her head and smiled, saying she'd rather save the surprise for later. Yumasaki shrugged and entered alone.

Erika tried to stay in one place. She really did. She knew Yumacchi would be upset or even scared if he came back and she was gone. But after several minutes of waiting for her friend to reappear (how long did it take a retrieve a poster, anyway?), the otaku grew bored.

Silently promising not to go far, she kicked up her feet and walked a little down the path, eyes wide for activity. Her inspection revealed nothing but a slinky black cat padding its way out of an alley. She noted the broken glass laced in its fur with interest, but soon dismissed it and kept moving.

Erika's thoughts swirled in her head as she wandered, as though her brain was a blender powered by feet. She considered several new plot twists for the doujinshi she and Yumacchi were working on, as well as the various yaoi fan fictions she enjoyed last night. She grinned as she recollected the details of her precious BL collection. It was an art, really, separating each story into the cute-and-fluffy, dramatic-and-passionate, and sadistic-and-addictive categories she had labeled for herself.

It was as she was thinking about these things that Erika's boot snagged on something and she nearly tumbled onto her face. The otaku gasped sharply and caught her balance. Curiously she bent down to examine what had tripped her.

Her fingers ran through soft faux fur and grainy wool. Lifting the fabric off the ground slightly, she could tell it was clearly a jacket or coat of some kind. It seemed very familiar. Unable to quite recognize it, she set the coat back down-

And that was when she noticed the bartender outfit lying only six feet away.

Erika's grin widened. It widened and widened and widened until it seemed it had consumed her entire face; she was positively glowing. All the blood in her body gushed into her head, dripping from her nose and darkened her cheeks.

"I knew it," she whispered, gulping air so quickly she was unable to raise her voice any louder, "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

She started laughing to herself, just giggling and snorting at first but soon it was a full on maniacal cackle. When Yumasaki finally found her, she had curled onto the street in a puddle of foam, twitching and hiccupping.


	4. Chapter 4

It was like navigating a dense, squirming forest of human legs. Shizuo hardly knew which direction to even look in, because large, heavy shoes were falling everywhere. Had Sunshine Street always been this busy? He asked himself as he ducked around another calf and nearly scared one woman silly after snaking between her ankles. To be honest, Shizuo had never noticed the buzz of traffic before. He'd always drifted above it, more due to his tangled thoughts than his substantial height. But with size no longer an item, Shizuo was forced to pay close attention to his every step unless he wanted his skull separated from his spine.

He was still in pursuit of those two lovely scents: the salty tang of fresh fish, and the familiar glow of cigarette smoke. They were close, so close he could taste them. Sight was completely useless here, so Shizuo merely lifted his nose and let his paws take him where they could. Finally, the forest gave way to open pavement and the ex-bartender leapt for it. He trotted just a little further down the way until his senses informed him of a destination reached.

"Sushi!"

Shizuo started at the sudden declaration, turning around to find the source of the noise.

"Russia sushi! You come, you buy, you happy! Prices today very discount!"

He let out a sigh, eyes dimming in disappointment. Russia Sushi, he should have guessed. What had he been expecting? Shizuo slunk past the restaurant, dejectedly ignoring its boisterous advertiser.

Suddenly, a mountainous shadow loomed over Shizuo, blocking out all light and raising the fur on his back. The cat's claws slid out and a flighty panic seized his heart.

"Hey, kitty," The Sushi man said quietly, bending down and extending a gargantuan hand, "Why look so sad?"

Shizuo wasn't certain if his human expressions were being carried over or were simply being expressed in their feline equivalent, but in any event, he frowned.

"Don't worry about me, Simon." He tried to reply, but Simon couldn't seem to hear him. Shizuo's tail swished behind him, impatient for a response. "Simon?" Izaya could hear him just fine…

"Wait here, sad kitty."

Shizuo stood in befuddlement as Simon returned to his feet and lumbered inside the sushi shop. With the intoxicating scent of food all around, Shizuo found he couldn't leave even if he'd wanted to, so he did as his friend requested. Simon came back soon holding a dish, which he set on the ground in front of the cat. Shizuo's tongue flicked out as he spied a scrap of fleshy pink tuna.

"_Naslazhdat'sya_." Simon grinned and heavily tousled Shizuo's head and ears.

The ex-bartender winced at his rough grooming, but smiled back afterwards. A nice, warm feeling spread throughout his body, and he felt a strong urge to repay Simon's kindness.

"Thanks," He told the Russian giant, "I swear I'll pay you back. It might not be soon, but I won't forget this."

Simon tilted his head, and for a moment Shizuo thought he had understood. But the chef only pushed the bowl closer with his finger.

"_Ap__petit prikhodit vo vremya yedy,_" He insisted, resting his hands on his thighs in preparation for getting up, "_prodolzhat'sya_."

Following that, Simon fell silent and Shizuo gingerly began to pick at the raw fish. Russia Sushi's products were something on the spicy side, but Shizuo had always been able to enjoy them. Now was no exception. Granted, he did feel a little edgy about being watched while he ate, but Simon's company didn't really bother him much. The tuna was soft and tasty and successfully diverted the ex-bartender's mind for a few minutes while he chewed. Shizuo's tail waved lowly behind him, finally relaxed.

Simon soon returned to customer fishing and business on Sunshine Street continued as usual. Shizuo licked up the last bits of ootoro that still clung to the dish and then lifted his head, preparing to leave. Suddenly, he noticed someone from the crowd approaching Simon, and he stopped out of curiosity.

"Hey, Simon-" The man greeted him hastily, but Simon soon interrupted as he recognized the face.

"Ah, Mister Tom! Always pleasure to see you! No Shizuo today?"

Shizuo's mouth fell open and his ears straightened like boards. Instantly he crawled closer to the Russian sushi salesman. Tom Tanaka, Shizuo's employer and longtime friend, stood before him with his briefcase in hand. He seemed greatly agitated about something and brushed off Simon's hearty welcome.

"Actually, I'm here about Shizuo," Tom said, "he's gone missing. I let him out on break about four hours ago and I haven't heard from him since. He isn't answering his phone, but I haven't passed any wanton destruction either, so I doubt he's caught up with Izaya."

"I see," Simon's friendly grin faded and his expression turned somber, "Shizuo in puberty again?"

Despite his irritation, Tom cracked a smile.

"It could be that. But he would have called me if he was suddenly taking off, and...well, he just hasn't been in a bad mood lately, you know?"

Shizuo couldn't stand it any longer. He rushed up to Tom and butted his head against his pant leg, crying out as loudly as he could:

"I'm here, Tom! I'm right here! It's me, Shizuo!"

Tom gasped and yanked his foot back, but Shizuo would not be discouraged. With some difficulty, he reared back on his hind legs and planted his front paws on Tom's knee, purchasing some grip with his claws. Shizuo tried desperately to make eye contact with his boss, but Tom didn't seem interested.

"Tom! Listen to me! I don't know what's going on here, but this is all somehow Izaya's fault!" Shizuo shouted, flinching as Tom kicked his leg up, "You need to call Shinra right away and keep a look out for that rotten flea-!"

"Simon, what the hell!" Tom grunted, failing to shake the cat loose.

Tom and Shizuo struggled for another ten seconds until two gentle hands closed around the cat's ribcage.

"Sad kitty," Simon admonished, effortlessly pulling the feline free from Tom's clothes, "Don't fight. Fighting always bad!"

As though abruptly remembering something, Simon halted in his tracks. Shizuo dangled in his hands, his hind legs and tail hanging limply. The Russian sushi man turned Shizuo around so that they faced each other and raised the cat up to his nose, peering carefully into his eyes. Shizuo glared back flatly, tired of straining his undetectable voice.

"You remind me of someone, sad kitty. He also fights when he sad."

Shizuo couldn't allow himself to believe that Simon actually saw him for who he was. At the same time, he couldn't put off the sincerity in Simon's tone and the seriousness with which he looked at him. For one solid moment, it almost felt as though Shizuo was human again.

Then Tom chuckled shakily and adjusted his glasses.

"Well, maybe they're related."

Simon's attention left Shizuo and rested on Tom as the debt collector sighed and began to walk away.

"If you see Shizuo, let me know."

Tom gave a brief wave and then melded back into the traffic of Sunshine Street. Simon softly placed Shizuo on the ground.

Shizuo cursed under his breath and shook himself. Should he follow Tom? Find some way to leave him a message? He couldn't conceive of any plan that Tom would follow. And even if Tom believed it was him, how would Shizuo explain this? It was all stupid; there was nothing he could do. How did he even get turned into a cat in the first place? What had he done that was so wrong?

"Hey, sad kitty, don't be so sad," Simon said cheerfully, giving the cat one last pat on the head, "life is good. Sushi is good. You eat sushi, you have good life."

That warm feeling spread through Shizuo again as Simon spoke. It started in his tuna-filled belly and blossomed to his heart, causing the ex-bartender's dark mood to brighten just a little. He looked up at the Russian salesman and cocked his head, wondering momentarily how much Simon hid behind that pleasant exterior.

But as curious as he was, Shizuo could no longer afford to wait around. Simon had given him the gifts of serenity and refreshment; now it was time to put those to good use.

"Thanks, Simon. See you around."

**An hour later, in an apartment in Ikebukuro…**

Thunderclouds were gathering on the skyline, blotting out what was left of the afternoon sun; the entire transformation was clearly visible from the wide windowsill. The sounds of rummaging came from the hallway, where he assumed there was a bathroom at one end. The cat paid no attention to these bustling noises and continued to stare out the window, watching the weather turn dark.

"Ah, here it is."

Who was she? A student at Raira Academy, that much was obvious. As he was permanently enamored with all humans, it wasn't exactly his place to reject her offer. He'd been trotting along, trying to think of someplace to stay, when all of a sudden a high school student happened to stumble across him. It wasn't an event he'd orchestrated, but it worked in his favor nonetheless. That was why Izaya Orihara tolerated his hostess when she returned from the bathroom, a roll of gauze and a brush in her hands.

The sleek black cat leapt down from the windowsill and approached her. The girl knelt down onto the carpet and smiled sweetly at him, eyes wide behind large glasses. Izaya was a little nervous about allowing her fingers to stroke his fur, but soon permitted and even encouraged it. He drew nearer and rubbed against her, his tail poking her nose.

"Sorry," She laughed quietly, "I'm not a vet, but this is should be alright for now."

Izaya kept still as she combed the glass from his body and scrubbed the crust of blood from his wound. Shizuo's slash hadn't been deep, but it still hindered Izaya's ability to move quickly. It was a nuisance. But the informant could not help grinning as he pictured where Shizuo must be now, alone and lost. And with the coming thunderstorm, Heiwajima's predicament would not see a cozy resolution any time soon…He could just picture it: a thin white cat, drenched to the bone, huddling under whatever shade he could find, busy Ikebukurians dousing him with dirty water just by walking past. Maybe Shizuo will grow so miserable that he will simply wander into the street and get hit by a car.

The very idea made Izaya laugh out loud.

And as for himself? He'd be fine. In fact, maybe he'd watch from this human girl's excellent window (it reminded him of his own. That's one thing Izaya's dwelling place must have in ready abundance- windows). Being a cat suited him just wonderfully. All he needed to do was show that girl a little affection and he'd get whatever he wanted.

"I must be crazy, taking in a stray…" She told herself, taking a seat on her bed. Izaya ignored her.

"But at least now I'll have someone to talk to."

Someone to talk to? Izaya turned his head, eyeing her with a twinge of curiosity. And then he smiled.

"Absolutely," Izaya agreed, knowing that she couldn't hear him but unable to restrain himself.

"Why don't you tell me everything…?"


	5. Chapter 5

The rain wasn't quite as heavy now as it was before, but it was still a little too wet for Shizuo's liking. Cautiously, he took a step out of the box he'd been inhabiting and glanced up at the sky, willing a shred of sunlight to pierce through. It was useless though; by now the sun had long set, and the streetlights of Ikebukuro lit the roads, a row of electric lanterns. Shizuo sneezed and a shudder rippled across his body, most of which was matted with soggy fur. He'd started looking for Shinra hours ago, but unfortunately he hadn't made it to shelter before the heavens opened and the rain came crashing down.

The cat gave himself another good shake, at least trying to relieve some of the moisture. Tom had told him time and time again that if he didn't dress for the cold, he'd catch pneumonia in a heartbeat. Shizuo couldn't remember the last time he was sick, though.

"This is useless," He growled to himself, aiming a kick at the soaked cardboard box that had given him respite from the storm. Shizuo decided he was done sitting around. He didn't care if there was a hurricane out there; he was not going to coop himself up in misery. So he left the box and advanced to the end of the alleyway, coming up beside a mountain of trashcans. The alley exit had a wide view of an intersection. Shizuo paused and watched it from the shadows. Somewhere down the road another set of lights flickered on, casting an orange glow on the walkway beneath it. Honestly, Shizuo sighed inwardly, what was he supposed to do next?

Just then, a curious sound permeated the air; a sharp wailing noise that washed over his eardrums like water on the shore. Shizuo knew that sound- it emanated from a certain motorbike.

Perking up instantly, Shizuo leaned further out of the alley, scanning the intersection for his friend, the Black Rider. Indeed, there it was. The urban legend pulled to a halt at the traffic light and gently petted its motorcycle. Shizuo stood conflicted as the bike brayed its strange, telepathic neigh. Would the Rider even notice him if he approached it? Was it looking for him? Should he ask it for help? Shizuo left the alley and quickly padded towards the intersection, but then he stopped. No, he shook his head; it wasn't the Rider's problem. Besides, for it to see him in this state would be terribly awkward.

A prickling sensation tickled Shizuo's back as he suddenly realized the Rider was observing him. In a sort of panicked reaction, Shizuo backed up too quickly and bumped into one of the trashcans.

Now, had he been a normal cat, this wouldn't have alarmed anyone. The lid of the can would have rattled slightly or a piece of rotten food might have dropped from it, but nothing more. However since he was a cat with the genetic traits of Shizuo Heiwajima, something a little more drastic happened: the metal can was thrown on its side, clattering onto the ground loudly.

Shizuo winced at the volume and cursed himself, turning around only to find his path blocked by the collapsed can. He tried climbing over it, but the object's cylindrical shape made it difficult to grasp and the ex-bartender only ended up on his damp bottom. Just as he was about to punt the can into the closest wall, a shadow blocked the light from the intersection and plunged the alley into darkness. Shizuo's eyes adjusted naturally as he looked behind him. He was disappointed to see that yes, the Rider had come to investigate. It took a few seconds to look around the side street, its gaudy helmet pivoting on its neck. In the end, its gaze came to rest on the alley's only current resident: a large white cat.

The figure in the riding suit peered curiously at him from behind its visor, and once again Shizuo was wrought with indecision. Should he trust it, or attempt an escape? He probably looked just like an ordinary feline. The Rider had no reason to turn him into an animal shelter or anything, right?

The urban legend bent down, leaning closer to the distressed cat. Shizuo looked away, humiliated.

"Celty, leave me alone," he muttered, pawing at the dirt, "this is sort of uncomfortable for me."

As he anticipated, Celty did not respond. Of course, he wasn't sure what he was expecting of her; only a lunatic would hold their phone up to an animal. However, she was reaching out towards him all of a sudden…

Shizuo blinked and watched with wide eyes as Celty's gloved fingers inched closer to his face. They froze, hovering a little shakily in the air, and then slowly moved forward again.

"You…wanna pet me?" Shizuo guessed.

Celty seemed so nervous about touching him, Shizuo wondered if she'd ever seen a pet before. Or it was possible that Shinra had been filling her head (so to speak) with nonsense about stray cats and dogs. That pervert of an underground doctor couldn't really control himself when it came to Celty's irrational fears.

Shizuo gritted his teeth as her hand wavered yet again. This was getting ridiculous, not to mention he was extremely unhappy being seen like this in front of her. He felt…small. And weak. He didn't want Celty thinking of him in either of those ways.

"OK, let's get this over with." He sighed heavily and pushed his head into Celty's open palm, rubbing against it forcibly. The Black Rider started, her whole body tensing up at the sensation. Rigidly at first, she moved her fingers through the rough strands of hair on Shizuo's forehead. Soon, she progressed to his ears, tracing them lightly. Shizuo recognized this sort of touch with familiar sadness: she wasn't afraid that he would hurt her. Celty was afraid that she would hurt him.

"Yeah, well, live it up." He told her, moving nearer so that she would be able to pet his neck and back as well as his ears. She was probably just interested, that was all. After a little while, she'd get bored and then they'd both move on with their lives.

Celty's fingers were gaining confidence now, and her strokes were short and quick. It felt sort of good, Shizuo admitted, a little like a massage. She used just the right amount of strength, and Shizuo could actually feel some of the stress leaving his muscles when she pressed on them.

But then she had to go and scratch beneath his chin.

All he remembered about that part was that he got very vocal about it. Now, it bears saying that Shizuo was a virgin. But when her fingers came in contact with that one spot just above his throat, his system simply overloaded with pleasure. His entire upper body felt as though it was vibrating- actually, it was literally vibrating; Shizuo was _purring._

The Black Rider's shoulders clenched together and her helmet dipped low in silent laughter. The cat's eyes were slit shut and he kept tipping his head back, encouraging her to keep scratching. It was so funny and endearing that Celty didn't think she could stop, even if she'd wanted to.

When Shizuo's wits returned to him, he became aware of the fact that he had willingly climbed into Celty's arms, and that he was riding her motorcycle, and that they were going somewhere. And that he would never, ever, ever in his lifetime, be able to look at her again without blushing madly.

**Moments earlier, in an apartment in Ikebukuro…**

"That's the short of it, anyway."

Had Izaya still been human, he would have hummed in disinterest and examined the dust under his fingernails. However since he wasn't, the closest thing he could accomplish was to purr softly and nuzzle into his hostess' shoulder. The artificial light of her laptop's screen was the room's only illumination, and Izaya had long since grown bored with it. The girl was working on an essay for most of the hour (entitled 'Economics of the western world'), but a chatroom was blocking half the window. Izaya recognized the site as a social networking spinoff of one sort or the other (he had a profile, naturally.). His hostess explained the icon she chatted with was a classmate.

Izaya tilted his head up and examined the girl's face. She looked tired and bored. She typed a response to her classmate's question, prompting Izaya to raise his nonexistent eyebrows.

[Yes, definitely! Thanks so much, this stuff is really boring. I'll see you in five minutes then!]

She seemed very relieved after that. The girl blew out air and leaned back, flexing her knuckles. Izaya meowed noisily in her ear and tried to climb onto her head. She laughed and collapsed backwards onto the carpet, picking up her cat and placing him on her tummy, where she could easily stroke his fur.

"You really love attention, don't you?" She cooed, tickling him behind the ears.

Izaya had to admit, it was far easier to ingratiate oneself as a cat. And it felt great.

All at once, the happy expression disappeared from the girl's face and she sighed.

"I sure wish I'd tripped over you earlier. I don't know why you're so easy to talk to, but…I feel like I could tell you anything."

While this seemed like a promising proposal, Izaya elected to pass. He'd spent enough time listening to this girl's prattle- enough to understand that she was no different than any other high schooler her age. She was just another one of those humans who felt they were different- Izaya's least favorite type.

Her lip quivered as she spoke lowly, "I'm just…so lonely. No one ever notices me. No one ever listens to me. I've never had a boyfriend. I just don't feel that…that anyone even _wants _me."

Izaya mewled and flexed his smooth muscles. He crawled a little further up her body to rest on her chest, and she welcomed him.

A tear escaped the corner of her eye and trailed down her temple. She wiped it up with her sleeve and cried a little.

"I'm so pathetic," she sniffed, "look at me, I'm confessing my feelings to a stupid cat!"

The girl sat up straight and Izaya slid down into her lap. She smiled down at him and brushed his fur lovingly.

"But you don't care. You listen anyway, you drama queen, you. It doesn't matter to you if I'm popular or unpopular or dumb or smart or pretty or ugly. You'll cuddle with me anyway."

Izaya's ears rose like flags as someone suddenly rapped on the door.

"Oh, good," The girl said, her head turning towards the noise. Gently, she lifted Izaya from her lap and placed him on the floor, and then she got to her feet. "She's here."

Unhappy with this instant change, Izaya meowed and followed her. It'd been a really long time since anyone had shown him undue affection like that.

"Don't worry, you'll like her. She's sort of an attention-seeker, too." His hostess joked as she walked to the door.

Izaya stopped and watched from the hall as she let her friend inside. They exchanged high-pitched greetings and giggles, but then-

"So, Mira-chan! Let's go to your room!"

-At the sound of that voice, Izaya's shriveled heart stopped beating.

"Uh, it's sort of a mess…"

"That's no issue; I _love _messes!"

That horrid voice. High, raucous, too sweet- it could only belong to one person.

"Er, alright, I guess…"

Izaya could barely even move as the two barefoot high schoolers approached him. He knew he needed to get out of the way before they stepped on him, but Izaya was simply paralyzed.

"Eh? What's this?"

"Oh! This is my new cat-!"

Izaya's stomach lurched into his mouth as Mira hoisted him into the air and dangled him in front of the one female he despised more than any other…

"-Isn't he cute, Orihara-san?"

Mairu grinned the terrifying grin her family was infamous for.

"Very."


	6. Chapter 6

Shizuo hoped that if he concentrated really hard, he could wake up. Because at this point, things had become so surreal that he had to be dreaming. Gravity squashed his stomach painfully as the elevator rocketed upwards. Shizuo's body shuddered at the sensation of movement, but Celty gently stroked his back and he relaxed.

The cat leaned against his carrier and slowly exhaled. Everything was fine. He had nothing to be ashamed of; he'd just sort of…inexplicably turned into a cat. The problem was whether or not to try communicating with Celty. There was a possibility that she could help him, but Shizuo couldn't bear her thinking less of him because of all this, and he didn't want to be a burden.

An electric bell declared their arrival at one of the higher floors. The elevator pulled to a halt, staggering Shizuo's internal organs a second time. Damn elevators, he cursed as Celty exited the tiny space. They weren't natural.

The Headless Rider rang the buzzer of her apartment and waited for the door to open. After about half a minute, footsteps could be heard advancing up the hallway.

"Celty!" Shinra greeted excitedly as he opened the door.

His expression changed when he saw the cat in her arms. As Celty pushed past him into the residence, he asked:

"And who is this?"

As soon as the door was closed, Celty lowered Shizuo to the floor, where he sat dutifully at her feet. He watched as the Rider took out her PDA and clacked a sentence into it. Shizuo tried his best, but he simply couldn't read what Celty had written from his current position. However, he understood from her body language that she was amused.

Shinra replied by bending down to Shizuo's height and scrutinizing him. Shizuo allowed Shinra's fingers to comb his fur, despite the fact that he did not like to be touched.

"I see what you mean," Shinra said, smiling as he adjusted his glasses. "He does sort of look like Shizuo."

Celty shook her helmet and started to text her opinion. Meanwhile, Shinra was enjoying petting the large white cat that, suddenly grasped by inspiration, stared right into his eyes. Shizuo shouted as loudly as he could:

"Shinra!"

Shinra froze.

He didn't even turn to read Celty's PDA when she held it up, which caused her to erase her answer and write something else. When Shinra did not react to that either, she knelt beside him and shook his shoulder with one hand.

Shinra broke eye contact with Shizuo to scan the feline's body. Then he swallowed loudly, as though his mouth had instantly gone dry.

"Celty…" Shinra announced shakily.

[What? What is it?] Celty asked via her phone.

"I…I think I might have made a terrible mistake."

Several minutes later, Shinra and Celty were sitting on the couch. Shizuo sat across from them on the coffee table. Celty held her PDA up and tilted her neck scrupulously, as though raising an eyebrow.

[Let me get this straight,] she was careful to aim the phone at an angle that Shizuo could also see, [you turned Shizuo into a cat?]

"Not on purpose." Shinra clarified immediately.

Celty's shoulders sagged and she busily returned to texting. Before she could finish, Shizuo hopped into her lap and put a paw on her PDA. Celty understood and handed the machine over. Despite the severity of the situation, both adults had to coo over Shizuo's attempts to use the phone. It took him a while, but the cat finally finished his message, which he kicked over to Shinra.

[If you don't change me back right now i will rip your head off and stomp it into the ground.]

Shinra gulped and nodded respectfully. Shizuo's air of intimidation was instantly dispelled when he snatched the PDA back and hastily wrote:

[no offense celty]

Celty waved her hand at him. She then took her phone back and printed a question:

[But why, Shinra? And what do you mean, 'not on purpose'?]

"OK," Shinra inhaled deeply and rubbed his palms on his knees, preparing himself for a long story. "Um, remember when I gave you a bottle of milk this morning?"

[Yes, I thought that was odd, but what does it have to do with this?]

"Well…" The doctor elongated his words, resulting in an evil glare from Shizuo. "…See, it turns out that although you can't drink, you do absorb sustenance from your surroundings. So essentially, as long as that bottle was near you, you'd absorb its nutrients into your own chemical composure."

Celty texted, confused.

[What does that have to do with cats?]

"Er…" Shinra stalled again, and this time Shizuo's claws came out.

"I sort of…wanted to experiment with a certain formula to see if it would turn Celty…into a kitten."

Silence. Shinra's forehead shone with sweat and his face was red as a cherry. Celty sat motionless for a few seconds. Then she lowered the PDA to her lap. Shizuo was tragically unsurprised. He'd learned to expect shenanigans like this from Shinra years ago.

Celty punched Shinra flat across the jaw. His glasses nearly flew from his face, and the underground doctor coughed out a tooth. Shizuo could see the steam billowing from Celty's neck (literally) as her fingers assaulted the PDA's keyboard. It was obvious she was completely infuriated, but the cat hopped back across to the sofa anyway. Shizuo laid his paw on her hand, causing her to stop and look at him.

He shook his head and pressed lightly on her hand.

"Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to." Shizuo told her soundlessly.

The Dullahan clenched her fists and squared her shoulders, trying desperately to contain herself. Yep, Shizuo had been there. Her whole body shook with rage. Eventually, Shizuo lifted his paw and she wrote with trembling digits:

[Just change him back.]

"He should change back all by himself," Shinra replied sheepishly, "It just depends on how long he was in contact with the milk. Did it splash on you?"

Shizuo wasn't sure how, but he and Celty exchanged nervous glances. He cautiously entered into the keypad:

[what happens if i drank it]

"You ingested it?" Shinra repeated incredulously.

Shizuo was about to type a biting response, but the roles reversed and Celty took the phone back.

"Alright," Shinra sighed and adjusted his bent spectacles, "It will take much longer to wear off, but the effects are still temporary. Probably."

[Probably?!]

[damnit shinra]

"I know, I know!" Shinra wailed, hiding his head between his elbows. "I'm sure it'll be fine though! I'm so sorry, Shizuo! I'm really, really sorry!"

[youd better hope i stay a cat forever shinra. Bc when i get back to normal i am not responsible for whatvr happens to you.]

**Around that time, in an apartment in Ikebukuro… **

"Well."

Quiet.

"This is interesting."

The empty bathroom had nothing to say.

Izaya sighed and pulled his knees up against his chest. He'd managed to escape Mairu and her friend by bounding into the bathroom and shutting the door, which was now locked. But Izaya had only just reached safety when a spinning sensation seized his head and he collapsed.

When he came to, he was lying facedown in a stranger's bathroom, completely naked. One glance in the mirror convinced him he was no longer a cat, at least. He'd looked tired, pale, and sick. Ordinarily, he wouldn't be overly concerned about this type of situation, but with Mairu Orihara outside the door, there was no telling what would happen if he tried to leave. Izaya immediately assumed she had a camera prompted and ready to shoot. And while the pictures probably wouldn't cause him any harm, they could conceivably destroy the reputation he held as one of the toughest men in Ikebukuro.

The informant took a breath and climbed to his feet. Whatever bold escape he had in mind, he wasn't going to get anywhere sitting in some girl's bathtub feeling hopeless. He walked across the room and opened a cabinet, peering inside. Good, at least there was a bath towel here that he could use. After tying it securely around his waist, he considered using a bed sheet as a makeshift robe. Unfortunately, Izaya understood that this apartment was deep in Ikebukuro, quite far from any real estate of his own. He didn't like the idea of riding in a cab naked…

Perhaps Mairu could get his clothes for him…

He clicked his tongue in annoyance and banished that thought immediately. He knew better than to trust his twisted little sister. Izaya understood well what horrid conditions would come with her aid (because he would use the same set were this situation reversed).

Muffled voices from outside the bathroom door drew the eldest Orihara's attention:

"Mira-chan, I have to pee."

"Sorry, the door seems to be stuck…"

"Can you unstick it?"

Izaya's eyes widened as the handle clicked and jiggled. However, the door did not move. Mira grunted and pushed against it, but the reinforced wood stayed shut.

"Ugh…no."

"Hmm. That's too bad. Wait here."

It was occurring to Izaya as Mairu ran down the hall that his little sister might have a lockpick. If that was true, then his seconds were numbered.

It was time for drastic action.

Izaya twisted the lock and yanked the door wide open, shocking the girl waiting outside. Before she could react, the informant snatched her wrist and pulled her over the threshold, slamming the door behind her. He flicked the lock back into position and heaved a sigh of relief. But it would only last until Mairu returned…

"Wh-wh-who are you!" Mira demanded, bewildered.

She tried to back away from him, but the tile floor was slippery and she only succeeded in flailing backwards. Moving quickly, Izaya managed to catch her before she split her skull on the edge of the toilet.

"Don't touch me-!" She cried, attempting to free herself from Izaya's grasp. He didn't let go.

"I know you're afraid," He told her quietly. His calm voice soothed her and her struggles lessened, "I understand. I'm pretty scared myself."

"How did you get in here?" Mira wondered. Then she blinked and turned around, "And where is my cat?"

"What would you do if I told you that I was your cat?"

"What?" She snickered, tears of fright brimming her eyes, "That's ridiculous. That kind of stuff only happens in bad manga."

Izaya sighed and recited:

"'I don't know why, but I feel like I can tell you anything. You won't judge me, won't care if I'm pretty or ugly or popular or stupid or anything. You'll love me anyway, you drama queen, you'."

Mira choked on her own saliva and her eyes bugged. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment as she tried to respond, but Izaya narrowed his eyes and continued:

"You see, Mira-chan, you suffer from a classic case of eighth-grade-syndrome."

"But…" She coughed and swallowed, her swollen face only dwindling her age, "…I'm in ninth grade!"

"Which explains why you're still affected. But don't worry; eighth-grade-syndrome affects everyone. Several people I know are still suffering from it."

Mira wiped her eyes and asked:

"What is it?"

But it was at that moment that Mairu came back, and Izaya knew it was all or nothing.

"Mira-chan? Mira-chan, are you in there?"

Izaya stood and approached the door. He called out loudly:

"Mairu? You are going to leave this apartment right now and take a cab to my office in Shinjuku."

"Iza-nii?"

Mira repeated in confusion, "…nii?"

Izaya frowned, gritting his teeth in irritation.

"Yes, it's me. Now go back to my apartment and get me some clothes."

Mairu stubbornly protested, "I don't have to do anything for you!"

"If you don't, I'll break your friend's fingers."

Mira paled considerably.

Mairu scoffed, "You wouldn't."

"Why not?" Izaya smiled at the trembling girl on the floor, "Who is she going to say did it, a naked stranger she let into her house? Or would she just blame you?"

"What makes you think I care if she gets hurt?" Mairu argued. Mira looked close to fainting; her face was white and slick as milk.

"Because there's evidence that you were the last person she saw before the injuries, which implicates you in an investigation."

"Iza-nii!"

"Go get me some clothes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

Izaya muttered a curse under his breath and seized the girl's hand. Mira screamed instantly, kicking at him barefoot and thrashing about on the tiles.

"Fine!" Mairu shouted at the door before she took off.

The informant grinned and released the girl's fingers. Mira scooted away until her back thudded against the wall and she began to sob. Izaya watched this with distaste as Mairu's hurried footsteps thudded down the hallway. He came to sit beside Mira, but she curled into a ball when he drew near.

"S-s-stay away from me…" She murmured weakly, covering her face.

"Come on," Izaya coaxed, putting his hands on her quivering shoulders. "I wasn't really going to hurt you."

Mira whipped around and glared at him with stinging eyes.

"Y-you're a t-terrible person!"

With that, she huddled even farther away and buried her head between her knees, crying softly to herself.

Izaya smirked.

"Maybe, but at least I'm not as pathetic as you are."


	7. Chapter 7

'_Dear Shizuo,_

_Shinra and I are both out working right now. We'll probably be gone the rest of the day. There's milk in a dish in the kitchen and plenty more in the fridge. I left out a bowl of tuna, too. Feel free to email me if you need anything._

_Shinra says drinking a lot will speed up your digestion and get rid of the chemicals faster. He also says to make sure you use the litter box because he doesn't want cat hair in the bathroom._

_Have a nice day!_

_Love, Celty Sturlusson.'_

Shizuo squinted down at the note written entirely in thick, black ink. He'd wanted to rip it to pieces the moment he read the part about cat hair, but figured he shouldn't destroy Celty's paper. She was only trying to help.

Today Shizuo woke up as a cat for the second time. After everyone calmed down last night, Celty fed him and gave him a pillow to sleep on in her room. Much to his dismay, the pillow had been found this morning feathered in long white hairs, so maybe Shinra's worries were justified. Still, nobody was going to tell Shizuo Heiwajima where he could or could not pee.

The large white cat leapt from the counter to the floor. The dish of milk was exactly where Celty said it would be. Shizuo padded over and licked it up. The sweet taste and rich consistency relaxed him, as always.

Now what should he do…?

When Shizuo turned into a cat yesterday, he hadn't even found himself with a moment to spare. First there'd been that whole Izaya incident, then he got hungry and went to Russia Sushi, then he ran into Celty. There just wasn't any time to waste. Now he had an entire day, and he wasn't sure he wanted to leave the apartment. Without any clear method of communication and no way of tracking himself, Shizuo couldn't imagine Celty's panic when she noticed him missing. She was one of the only true friends he had; it wouldn't be right to worry her like that.

In the end, after mulling it over for a while, Shizuo sat down in front of the TV. That didn't last very long though, because Shizuo didn't have a clue how to work it. He tried mashing different buttons on the remote control and managed to at least turn it on, but all he could get playing was some sort of weird documentary about the Viking II landing. He was interested for the first five minutes or so, but after that the narrator's voice got annoying as hell. So he jumped on the remote control until the TV flicked off (though the remote might have broken).

His frustration with the TV made him hungry, so he journeyed back to the kitchen and nibbled at the tuna Celty had left him. It smelled a little old, but it was still good. Shizuo realized his metabolism must have slowed when he turned into a cat, because he wasn't really hungry as often as he used to be. Consequentially, needed less food to be satisfied.

After the tuna, Shizuo ventured out onto Shinra's patio. It was a lovely day; the air was heady and warm with dew. The patio was wet in some areas where rainwater had collected, but most of it was alright. Certain spots were heated from constant sunlight, and laying down on those felt positively wonderful. Shizuo believed he could stay on the patio forever.

However, his respite was interrupted when the apartment door clicked open. Shizuo's ears lifted and he turned his head to see Celty entering the living room. She waved at him through the large patio windows, prompting him to get up and pad back into the house.

Celty explained she'd been given an hour off for lunch. She didn't really feel like informing her client that she couldn't eat, so she just took the time and went home to check on the cat. Shizuo was thankful for the company. Celty told him about her morning as she refilled his milk bowl and set it down. It was fascinating, watching the milk pour itself as Celty typed with her fingers. The Dullahan's shadows worked like an extra pair of hands, guiding the bottle and holding the dish in place. Shizuo wondered if Shinra marveled at it every time… or was he used to it by now?

After serving him lunch, Celty stayed a little longer to play with him. Shizuo hadn't been keen on the idea at all, but when she took out a little stick with a butterfly on the end…he felt compelled to chase it! She swished it this way, he swiped with his paw; she swished it that way, he swiped with his other paw. Shizuo lowered his chin to the ground and glared up at the butterfly intensely, mapping its next move. Celty kept shaking the cat toy back and forth, chuckling to herself. Too soon it seemed she had to go back to work.

Shizuo escorted her to the door and saw her off. Then he was on his own again. He returned to the kitchen and searched for something to drink (playing with the butterfly made him thirsty). After licking up another bowl of milk, he felt a tightening sensation just below his stomach. It tingled a little, felt somewhat itchy, too.

Sighing loudly, Shizuo lumbered off in search of the litter box. He owed Shinra that much.

Following that fine adventure, the white cat trotted his way into Shinra's bedroom. He'd sort of been wondering how his old classmate organized his living space. Everything was quite neat. There was a desk next to the door, with closed drawers and stacked files on its surface. A computer screen lay propped against the wall, a network cable snaking from its hard-drive. There was a window overlooking the highway, not unlike the patio. And in the center of the room was a large, perfectly made bed.

Shizuo hopped onto the bed, testing its softness with his paws. It was lovely, much lovelier than the beds in all the apartments Shizuo had lived in during his lifetime. So, he thought, this is what the mafia pays you in. While making himself comfortable, Shizuo almost considered finding some illicit underground work to get into himself. God knows anybody would hire him there. He wouldn't be able to deal with it, though. Despite his short temper and gruff appearance, Shizuo was a sap. There was a reason Tom did the talking when they collected debts. If the sob stories didn't make Shizuo want to rip a person's head off, they easily moved him to tears. He just didn't have the heart to be a cold-blooded contract killer.

With these melancholic thoughts circling his mind, Shizuo curled into a ball and fell fast asleep. The bed was so crazy soft that staying awake was simply impossible.

When he awoke, it was to a very unusual noise. He was only dimly aware of it, assuming it must have been an ebbing dream. Shizuo attempted to rise and look around, but his body suddenly felt incredibly heavy. Probably the bed, he surmised. He hadn't been sleeping well at all, and this was he first time he'd felt a bed this wonderful. His body just didn't want to leave yet.

But then the sound grew louder and more defined. Specifically, Shizuo recognized a voice; Shinra's voice. It was struggling to produce words and instead kept choking and blabbering.

Eventually, Shizuo found the strength to lift his head. He groaned and rolled over onto his back, blinking slowly. His limbs felt so stiff…how long had he been asleep?

As soon as his eyesight returned, Shizuo became aware of several things.

One, that he was no longer a feline.

Two, that he was in Shinra's bed.

Three, that he was not clothed.

And four, that Shinra's face was ready to burst into flames.

In fact, the doctor actually had a scalpel tightly gripped in his hand. Shizuo wondered lazily if his old classmate was contemplating murder. He also noticed, somewhat belatedly, that the bed's comforter was smothered in a layer of white cat hair. Oh well.

"How dare you-!" Shinra finally croaked out.

Shizuo lifted his eyebrows.

"How dare I what?" He asked when Shinra failed to elaborate.

"How dare you come between me and my wife!" Shinra spluttered, throwing his arms in the air for emphasis. He actually appeared to be beyond anger and looked as though he was about to cry.

"Woah, hey, Shinra," Shizuo replied defensively, pulling himself into a sitting position. Blushing, he yanked the comforter off the mattress and pooled it around his waist. "You're not married. Celty isn't even home right now."

"Yes, she is!" Shinra argued, "she texted me half an hour ago saying she was done with work!"

Shizuo felt a twinge of irritation. He really didn't like being accused unfairly.

"I've been right here in this bed, asleep." He stated loudly, glaring at the doctor. "By myself." He added.

Light footsteps sounded outside the door as Shinra covered his face with his hands. Celty walked in just as he sniveled wetly.

[what's going on in]

The Dullahan nearly dropped her PDA when she properly acknowledged the situation. Shinra was in tears and Shizuo wasn't…well, he wasn't a cat.

Shizuo scowled and pointed to Shinra.

"He's freaking out about something." He said flatly.

Celty quickly tapped in a sentence, trying hard to contain the rush of black smoke flowing from her decapitated neck.

[Shinra, what's wrong?]

"Oh, other than the fact that I just found your best friend naked in my bed?"

Celty's shoulders sagged and she wrote out a response. But Shinra didn't seem ready to receive it just yet.

"Celty," he whimpered, his lip quivering, "how could you do this to me? After all the years we've spent together, all the memories we've shared-?"

Celty shoved her PDA under his nose and rested a hand on her hip.

[Stop it, Shinra. You're embarrassing yourself. Shizuo and I haven't done anything inappropriate.]

"But look at this!" Shinra cried, yanking on his hair, "I know he's in love with you; he's always asking you to visit with him!"

"Shut up!" Shizuo demanded from the bed, cheeks flushed with indignation.

[I talk to Shizuo because he needs someone to confide in. Obviously, he trusts me more than you do. Believe me, we're not in love.]

"But Celty, I do trust you-" Shinra mumbled, like a child being forced to say 'sorry'.

[I can't believe you think I'm the kind of woman who'd cheat.] Celty replied, seething.

"I don't think that! It's just with-"

Shinra paused and looked over at the bed for a moment. Then he groaned loudly and slapped his forehead, crying out:

"You got cat hair all over the bed! After I specifically told I didn't want that!"

"First of all," Shizuo began angrily, carefully holding the comforter around himself as he stood up, "You said no hair in the bathroom. And second of all, you think that's your biggest problem right now? I don't have any clothes, you idiot! How the hell am I supposed to get home? I don't suppose any of your shirts are gonna fit me, huh?"

"No, they wouldn't," The doctor crossed his arms, "and even if they would, I wouldn't lend them to you because you and I are experiencing _trust issues at this moment!" _

"Oh, over what? The fact that you turned me into a damn cat for your own twisted pleasure?"

"That wasn't on purpose!"

"Well neither was this!"

[SHIZUO IF YOU HIT HIM I WILL TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR NAKED ASS AND SEND THEM TO IZAYA THIS INSTANT]

Shizuo laughed maniacally.

"Go ahead! Maybe he'll claw his eyes out!"

"You're a monster."

"Wanna say that again?"

[WILL THE TWO OF YOU PLEASE CALM DOWN!?]

Nobody was even reading Celty's text anymore. The Dullahan prepared her shadows for some heavy lifting, in case things got physical.

"I would like to point out that you are wearing _my _blanket around your penis right now."

"Yep. Better watch what you say."

"It's not going to be a cat next time. Maybe I'll make it a flea."

"Maybe I'll break your neck."

"Maybe I'll help."

Everyone froze as a new voice entered the conversation. Two heads and a headless stump turned to face the doorway, where a young man in a fur lined coat observed the conversation.

"Izaya?" Shinra asked, blinking. "How did you get in here?"

"Dear Shinra," Izaya sighed, leaning his back against the doorframe. "I've had your keycard for ages. I'm sort of a kleptomaniac that way."

"Get the hell out of here, flea," Shizuo ordered curtly, "this doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Oh? I'd think it does, seeing as we were _both _felinized. Remember, Shizu-chan?"

Celty typed fast and held her phone up to Izaya.

[Izaya, did you drink the milk, too?]

"Milk?" The informant repeated, surprised. Then he laughed and shook his head. "Ah, it was the milk. No, I didn't drink any, but some splashed on my skin when Shizu-chan there threw the bottle at my head."

Shinra adjusted his glasses and muttered to himself, "I gave it to Celty, Celty gives it to Shizuo, Shizuo gives it to Izaya…the two of them are affected, so why isn't Celty?"

[Shinra. You are never going to do something like this ever again, understand?]

"Hmm?" Shinra snapped to attention and realized he was wrapped tightly in a cocoon of black silk. "Oh! Of course not, dear."

[Good. Now apologize to them.]

Shinra swallowed loudly. His eyes drifted from the frowning informant to the deeply irritated ex-bartender. Shockingly enough, the arch enemies were standing side by side, both entirely focused on Shinra's apology.

The underground doctor bowed his head as low as the cocoon would allow.

"I am profoundly sorry for all the inconvenience I've caused you these past two days."

Izaya smiled.

"Apology accepted." With that, he turned on his heels and leisurely made for the door, stretching his arms out behind him.

Shinra and Celty looked now to Shizuo, whose face was still quite sullen. He was silent for a little while, causing Shinra to squint his eyes shut and pray, but soon he spoke:

"Fine." He muttered. "Just don't do it again."

"I won't! I promise."

Celty offered to make Shizuo a riding suit with her shadow and drive him home. Shizuo grudgingly agreed, leaving Shinra alone in the apartment to properly mourn his cat hair infested bed. Later that evening, Celty and Shinra sat on the couch, watching the documentary Celty had recorded about expeditions to Mars.

While the Dullahan skipped the commercials, Shinra remarked wistfully:

"You know something funny, Celty?"

Celty shrugged, not moving her attention from the TV.

"When Shizuo and Izaya were both mad at me, they weren't mad at each other."

Further silence. Apparently, the Dullahan could think of nothing to add to that. Or maybe she was simply tired of listening to Shinra.

"I guess turning into cats forced them to call a draw, huh?"

[Quiet, I can't hear the narrator.]

Thus ended another average day in Ikebukuro.


End file.
